Love

Love.

It's just a 4 letter word but it's one that effects everyones life in such a large way that you don't really realize. Love is something everyone looks for subconsuously, love is something most people feel on a daily basis. Love seems to be the root of a lot of good, & evil. People have died for this word, been hurt for this word, have been diseved by this word...but people have also healed for this word, given back for this world, have saved for this word, & have been inspired by this word.

Who knew four letters could be such a complicated thing. Who knew that one small word could make everything better or worse. 

L-O-V-E

I'm still trying to figure out what it means to me. I thought I knew at one point. I thought I had it figured out...but then I watched others use it & now I wonder if I will ever truly know what it means to me. 

I used to love everything & everyone. I was angry at things but I never NOT loved them. When I was younger I used to believe that if I loved things I would be loved in return. I found out later that my childish thoughts were why I am hurt so bad now. That just because you love something never means that it will love you back because everything has a form of free will & nothing HAS to love you. Nothing HAS to give a damn about you at all. 

That's how I got hurt. That's how I became jaded by the smallest biggest four letter word out there. 

Love. 

So now...now I sit back & reevaluate it all, everything I have loved, everything I put myself into & I can't help but to wonder why I was so blindly stupid to believe a simple four letter word could make the world so much better if not everyone is using it like I think it should be used. Is there truly a right or wrong way to use it? I think there is...but I'm just one in many. Very small, just like this word. 

How do you figure it all out? Do you do what you think is right? Do you follow the people you have seen? Should I change my actions to get a different result even if it means hurting someone else in the process because of this damned word? Does that make me better or worse? Does that make me right or wrong?

Do I even matter out of many?

This four letter word seems so vast & every time I hear it I question it more & more but when I was younger I never would have. I would have known people have meant it to be a good thing, or maybe I just never noticed it to be a bad thing before because I was taught to see it as something wonderful by movies, or culture. When it comes in to play now, though, I stop & have to wonder why it hurts so much. How could something so beautiful hurt so very much. How could something that is meant to save, kill so many? 

All in all I don't think I will ever know, but I have learned that something ignorance is bliss & I miss the days where I could love without questioning it. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~