Love Stories

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974

This is the first time I have as a Valentine on Valentine's day & I don't think I can tell if it feels good or not yet. It's nice to know I'm not alone while everyone else it together, but it doesn't feel that different from any other day other then we get gifts from each other specializing in "love" & "how we feel" towards one another. Girlfriend & I do this everyday though. I know the importance of telling someone how you feel about them everyday. That you love them anyways, because you never know what is going to happen to them in a moments notice. 

For example my Cap'in got into a really bad car wreck one night when she was supposed to meet up with me. She could of died. Thankfully there is no long lasting damage.

It's things like that that make you really think. Really understand the word Love & how much effect it has on just about anything.

Three years ago I got hurt pretty bad by two people. I felt betrayed, hurt, sad, lost, confused...a variety of things that is hard to explain to someone on a good day. The result of this happening to me though was that I swore off love & anything like it. I stopped trusting people, I became angrier then I already was, etc. 

I'm not sure how many people I hurt in this time period but I know I did the best I could with what I knew/had. The love I had for people still showed through just in not so positive ways, because my love was so guarded, in this time though I still got hurt because I cared. It's all a bit complicated....

Three years later though one of the people who hurt me so much came back into my life. We had our 8th month anaversary on the 3rd of February & I don't think I've ever loved quite this much in my life. It's still a bit jaded, but no where near what it was before. I'm happier because of it too. I think everyone can tell as well.

Honestly, I don't think I will ever feel love as purely as I did in 2008, but I don't think it would be the same if I did. My love wouldn't be as strong as it is right now if it was the pure. It would have never changed to what it is now. I would never have become the person I am now. That is something to show love to in it's self. 

I still don't know where my love stands with Girlfriend because I have such a hard time accepting it when it comes to romantic situations. But there are moments. There are pure moments when something happens or I look at her & I can feel her patiently chipping away that coat of ice around my heart. It makes me nervous, but it also makes me happy. Nervous because I never want to be hurt like that again, happy because I know I'm worth more now then I ever way before because of it all. 

I still get dazed by the fact that she's with me again, that she came back, that she is so patiently working her way back in to the standing she was before. I just hate to keep a lady waiting. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~

Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They're never total fits or misfits.

Diane Ackerman, One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, A Marriage, and the Language of Healing, 2011

Not only is this a holiday of love but my birthday. I expect all  of the cupcakes today, haha. 

My love story? It's a rather dull thing due to all the reason I have put into it. All the words that I know to translate it from my head, to the world around me. 

It's hard to say weather I have been truly hurt or not I have been so guarded all my life because of how my father raised me, after all you can't have emotion to run a kingdom. That's treatery. I did feel though, because of Raven I felt more then the God's ever believed I could.

Then my father found out & destroyed that as he did anything else that he disapproved of. I looked for her for centuries & when I found her she had found someone else. Someone that I knew as well & I let her go. I did love her, still do to some extent, but when I let her go I realized she was no longer the Raven I had feel in love with as a young man, & I was no longer the man she needed to keep up with her next steps. As far as I know though we are still friends & hold each other in high standing, weather that is because of personal relations or because we are both political leaders of a country is questionable.

One of the main reasons she let me go & vise verse was because of her son. In Egypt...we had started something. Something dangerous but something none the less. This one is the most complected top for me honestly because I'm not sure what all happened. I'm not sure if the blame was on me or him. Or perhaps a combinations of both? After all, it takes two to tango. He was just a boy though, so perhaps it should fall on my manipulative shoulders. Everything I did for him though was true to my heart. It was never to get back at his mother or his father, it was never in spit of anything. That would go against my rules of being honest in a general sense. It would be just plan wrong to him in my opinion. Never-the-less we fell apart. 

In the middle of her son there was Alistar which was an even  bigger conundrum. He loved me, & I loved him very much in a strange way. He was my bestfriend & we would have been good together if there had been the chance, but I choice her son over him. I still have no reason for this, & I know it hurt him. It wasn't because I didn't care about him, or that Zane was a better option. It was just how it happened. The closest thing that I can come to for a good reason why I did this was so that I didn't hurt him more then I already was going to. I think there are fundamental parts of him & I that wouldn't work out but they are very hard to pin point. I don't think what I did to him was wrong, but it wasn't right either. When it came down to chose I chose Zane. 

Then they were both gone from my life because of two foolish, childish girls that didn't know how to respect others along with keeping their drama to their selves. In a flash I was alone with just my daughter & sister by my side. I left Cyran's life for a while so that we could both reconstruct ourselves.

When I came back there he was. Isa, the second person I have been engaged to in all of my lives. The one who waited for me to catch up with him. The one who puts up with me & my whims along with me babbling. The one that never complains & has more then the respect of my country, part of it's heart. He is also a most fabulous cook. 

He is my Valentine now, & until he says otherwise.

~Kradaonous Ravonos Codwell~

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.

Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

I've only loved three people in all of my lives. (Or at least from what I can remember from them.)

The first one was when I was a small boy, the person who took care of me after I had been beaten, raped & who knows what else. (I go out of my way not to remember if I don't have to. ) He died though before I could grow up & tell him how I felt or even get better to talk more then a head nod here & a head shake there. I wasn't okay back then.

The next one was the women who was nice to me when no one else would be. When no one else tried to understand the way I was she heard me crying &, even though it was against ever rule of the temple, she walked about to me holding my hand as I got through my nightmares. I left the temple so I never had a chance to tell her, but she was too in love with someone else at the time anyways.

Then I met her by happens chance at one of my friends shows. She looked so out of place but like she was doing her damnest to fit in. She must have been dragged for sure. I watched her some then walked right up to her & offered a hand. 

She took it.

I lead her just out side of the club so she could get a breather from all the smoke & the sweat from the pit. I just quietly watched as she regained herself. 

"Thank you so much...um..." She looked a bit dazed. God was she cute when she did that. 

"Krade." I replied with an out stretched hand which she took yet again for a shake. 

"Well that's a nice name & it starts with the same letter mine does!" She perkily siad. 'Katie. I'm Katie Dalton."

I asked her out on a series of dates after that & we got married then she died I got revenge, then we ended up here. 

She made me so happy I don't know how to explain in words. There just aren't the right ones made yet. I can tell you, I no longer feel that way. 

She divorced me & hurt are two kids pretty badly & many other things happened. I found the temple girl again (Shanti) & that is my wife now. Then my Knight & Shining armor came back to me & is now my boyfriend (Justice.) I'm happy, I couldn't ask for anymore. My kids are great, I have two of the best lovers in the world. 

But I will always be jaded from before. I will never feel quite as purely as I did back then.

~Krade Degrick Cullen~

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.

Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999)

I fell in love, got hurt. He's still in the mental institution because of it then met my Jared, have 4 kids with another on the way & I am happily engaged. 

I don't have time for these stupid sap stories. I've fixed my problems & that's what counts.

~Emma Rose Cullen~

They wouldn't call it falling in love if you didn't get hurt somemetimes, but you just pick yourself up and move on.

Gregory Thomas Garcia, Elijah Aron, Jordan Young, Raising Hope, Cheaters, April 2011

My life is complected when it comes to love. It's had it's ups & downs along with so much else. But all of that would take to long to write up & I have said everything I have wanted to the people that matter. 

Who is my Valentine's this year? My children. 

Through all of my lives I have always wanted to be a mother & i have been a mother in each of them in one sense or another. So my love on this day goes out to my kids. All of the, because even in my death I never stopped loving you. I never stopped being there for you & I am still here for you now. If you need me all you have to do is call/message/text/come over. Which ever is easiest for you. You have all grown in such a wonderful way & I am more the proud of each of you. 

I love you all even if you no longer love me.

~Carolina Marie Sterling Ashmore~

There is always some madness inlove. But there is also always some reason in madness.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), "On Reading and Writing"

~Thomas Dalton~

Negative To Positive: I'm Finally Winning This Game Called Life

That's right, I did it. Yesterday I wrote my first forgiveness letter of the year, the hardest one too because you always get the hard ones out of the way first. I think though in preparing for it that it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was hard reliving it though. Writing down what happened, letting myself feel all of those emotions again & dealing with them in a heather way then I had before. 

Before I had just pushed them deep down & ignored them because I didn't know what else to do with them. After all these years I have learned better ways to deal with things. So to let all the puss & gunk that was in it out I had to reopen the wound so it could heal properly this time, just leaving a scar behind. 

I did it. I let myself feel it without holding back. I didn't skip details. I thought about every word I wrote down & made sure that it was true to what happened in my mind, from what I could remember of what happened 3 years ago, so not to betray myself or my deity. 

I feel a crazy amount better now. I can still feel the wound there, but it's not something that is infecting me anymore. It's just something that happened in the past to make me who I am. I can either let it continue to effect me in a negative fashion, or I can move on with my head held high.

I am not afraid & this issue doesn't control me anymore.

I don't even have the immense urge to talk to this person for closure anymore because of writing that letter. I'm still curious as to why they say the things they say about me but it's no longer something that... plagues me. I can breath for the first time in a long time. 

It still hurts, just like any deep wound does & it will never stop hurting to some extent, but  it won't control me anymore. It will no longer take up such a large portion of my life because it's just....not worth it any more.

I will be 21 in less then 10 days & I can't have my past holding me back anymore. Not for what I am about to get into to make my future what I want it to be. People can say what they want about me, judge me, take jabs at me, anything else negative that they want but I won't let that change me or where I want to go. I won't let it rule my life as it has in the past. I know I am better then that, the people that matter know I am better then that, & the people that will matter will come to me in time. But other wise you have no effect one me, because I won't give it to you anymore. 

I wish them well in all that they do & will do. I send my blessing for them to take or not. 

Do unto others as you would wish them to do unto you. 

It's hard to be mad when you are this happy anyways. Because after I wrote this letter I came up with a project that could get me where I've always wanted to be in the photography world. It has given me something to work to that can make such a positive effect on the world that it makes me skin crawl with glee. 

I have decided Relic Photography as my business name & I may be brainstorming a tagline but the winner right now is "Capture the moment, you'll never get it back." I will be making cards as soon as I can get what I need for there to be the photo I want on the card. I'm looking into completions, letuers, workshops, exhibits, shows (venues), & so on in the are to get my name out there in the photography world. My Etsy shop should be up by the end of march. -Fingers crossed- I will be meeting with someone to build us a website for me as soon as we both have time to do so. 

My world is shaping up to exactly what I want it to be. I'm getting somewhere for the first time in my life, & I have goals in my sight that I can see what to do to get them in reach. Everything is looking so hopeful, so wondrous. There is more of a smile on my face then there is a frown. There is more happy in my life then there is anger.

I'm not angry. 

Oh man...I'm not angry.

This is part of the reason I am not going to write another letter on her to this person. This was something personal to do for me & though it involved them at one time it doesn't anymore. It hasn't for a very long time & I'm just figured it out yesterday. From what I understand, in their eyes they don't need forgiveness. Thy don't feel that they have done anything wrong. So putting something out there like that for them to find would be fuel for more drama then was needed before. It's just not worth it. It's a way for them to hurt me in new ways after finally healing the old wounds. 

I won't allow that to happen because that doesn't make sense to do that to one's self. 

I know that I have done it though & that's all that matters now. 

I am happy. That's what matters now.

~Cyran J. Harrington~

Sharing The Art

Last night (Feb 11th) Girlfriend & I went on a date to the 4th Underground show for ArtLoveMagic (A local art community here in Dallas) & had a BLAST! It was my first Tag show to ever go to & the first of it's kinds date for Girlfriend. 

Walking in all we saw was artiest for yards to the left & the right. Many of them doing live art. So many people too, it was like being at an anime convention all over again. I couldn't wait to get down there & look at all the art. It all seemed invigorating,new & overall exciting. 

The first thing we came across was the Circus Freaks. We only got to see one of their shows (sadly) but they were dressed the part & the show we did see what a poy spinner, Little G. He normally does fire spinning but since it was an inside event that was next to impossible to do. The dubstep music was great & the blinking glow sticks (which were the fire substitutes) spun like crazy & he intracnced us all that were sitting there. After Little G's number was done it was hands on work shop time! The fact they they offered this made me smile. It gave a chance for anyone who wanted to learn how to do what they were doing to try it & get some tips to perfect it. It was nice to see people wanting to help others for once in the art community. 

 These are some shots of Little G doin his grove thang. Haha! Also, on another are we got from them, we found out that they do a show every MOnday night at the House of Poets from 8pm-9pm then have the hands on workshop from 9pm-12am. It's $10 to cover & it's 21 & up. 580 W. Arapaho Road, Suite 199 Richardson, Tx 75080.

That is something that has bothered me alot of the art community (Not sure if it's just around here or in general but...) there seems to be a lack of willingness to help one other. Everyone says they they want to help however they can to get other people to their dreams but then turn the other check & it drives me mad. One of the reasons I adore ArtLoveMagic so much cause they are actually willing to help one another advance. 

Aralyn Mcgregor wasn't the next artist we encountered but it's one that defiantly caught our eye. As soon as I can afford it I will be looking in to her art to buy. It was soft & pleasant & caught you in a moment for several moments. You can't quite put your finger on it but it holds you there & makes you think. The other thing that I liked about her art is that there was alot of women power pieces. I'm always looking for artists that show a side of something for it's strengths, not it's weaknesses. 

Brandy Collins is an artist we actually bought from! She had little 5x7 prints of her paintings, that she dropped the price (after us getting confused about it all) to 4 for a dollar. So we got Guitar Kiss, Searching for a constant, & the other two I can't find on her site, but they were all wonderful pieces. This though (I can't find the name for it.) was my favorite. I didn't get to buy it but I plan to when I get the money for it because it was just so eye catching. The other things I really enjoyed about about the artiest was that she engaged us. When we took an interest in her art she imidiately turned around & began to talk to us & ask how we were & so forth. It's so nice to be acknowledged by a friendly person. 

Pink Light images  was SO much fun & gave me along of inspiration for my own photography. She had a wooden booth with with some lights hanging about & in the back she had some people from the show come in & paint the back to look like a solar system. The lighting was great & she was so happy & fun with her pink hair that she was something to remember. It didn't seem like she was there to make money, she was there to put smiles on people's faces. Her bubble gum pink hair was something worth remembering, for sure.  I'm impatient to see the photo's of Girlfriend & I. There was also a 5x7 print I really liked & wanted to see if she had a bigger copy of. (Here's her image of us! That was super fast!) If you want to see all of them then just go to events, & then to underground 4! 

The Killer Art was AMAZING. I had never seen something like this before. He took slabs of metal, carved an outline into them, then "painted" it with a BLOWTORCH. We got to see him to it all & MAN OH MAN WAS IT COOL. If either of us could of afford it we would have gotten a an art piece from him. But we have his website & I would like to ask to see if he would be willing to do a Ra piece for me. The wall hangings is more of what we saw at the show.

This is The Killer Art at work. It was an amzinv thing to watch & if I would of been smart I would of taken a video, but...I did not think of it. So here are some photos.

 Cori Berg I don't actually remember that much but Girlfriend picked up her card because it was pretty. (Just like her huh? Haha!) But none the less her stuff seems great, & she's pretty. Can't go wrong there can you?

Called To Be An Artist had wonderful stuff. I was really impressed by some of her photography & the different techniques she used. The only thing that turned me off was how out there Christian she was. I'm super glad she is religious & has found her path that fits her shoes but to put a bible in someone's bag when they buy things from you isn't something I would ever recommend. She was sweet &, again, I loved her art for the art. It all looked great & we even bought a few prints from her "Against abuse" series (I believe that's what it was.) Her paper flowers were what originally caught our eye to begin with.

Three of One if three different people that all work together for their art. They just all happen to be brothers! I find that family businesses are the best kind & it seems like these three are really pulling it off! We bought a piece from these guys too particulerally Jerod Alexander Davies who does the body painting art. We bought the one of the girl with the cherry blossoms on her shoulder, but everything we saw here was wondrous! More then something we enjoyed. I'm actually considering it they need any more models for the body art because I would love to become an art piece even if I did have to be nude. I don't think I would be too worried about it around these guys anyways because if you are around an artist nude, it's not like being around anybody nude. It's overly hard to explain in words on a blog, just trust me on this one. 

There were plenty of other artist there as well but these were just the card we happened to pick up. I can't wait for the next show to happen & I also can't wait til I can get my own booth in one of them

I plan on sitting down this week & getting some business cards planned out because this morning I woke up with a photography name in mind... Relic Photography then my tag line will be "Capture the moment, you'll never get it back." I'm kinda looking to see what people think of this name or if you would like to give me an suggestion sin a comment I am more then willing to consider them! After I settle on all of that I will be getting a websit together through my good friend Style Geek. Expect more pictures sometime this week & by tomorrow I plan on having my first forgiveness letter us. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~

P.s. Here are the other photos we took while at the event that are not of the artist listed but of the artist doing live art to show off their talents to the world. Along with some goffy things of Girlfriend & I. 

 Every event ArtLoveMagic has a place with a bunch of paper on it with art supplies so that you can express yourself!

 Sadly we didn't get this artist name but we loved the colors in his work & the style. He/They also did the head on a plater thing above this pic. (Left is Girlfriend, Right is me!)

The last 8 shots were all live artist that we took photos of but never got cards/names.

These last three shots were of live body art which is always fascinating to me.