I started yesterday at the YMCA after school program & literally I had a dream an exact scene that happened yesterday less then 6 months ago. I remember waking up from the dream KNOWING I needed to work with kids. It's amazing how my life works it's self out this way. It was the longest Da ja vu I have ever had too. That made me feel like I was closer to my spirituality more then anything in the world. I'm on to something & I'm going to keep going with it.
On the other hand it makes me feel like I'm not making my own choices that someone (Or something) else has laid out for me, which is some what nerve wracking, but I feel no ill intention behind it so I will continue chugging along. After yesterday though I feel like my life is beginning to come together for the first time in so very very long. The kids yesterday were great, & the environmental was even better. There were a few things that the kids asked/said I had a hard time responding to but I think, for a first timer, that I handled them smoothly.
I am happy with this change, & I am proud of myself for making it happen. For the first time in Ra knows how long I am looking forward to my life's future....If you only knew how good it is to say that, to say it & believe it with all of my soul. If you only.
On top of that work load I have already had someone come to me & ask me to do their wedding pictures in 2013. The grome has also asked me to do some commercial work for the company he works with. It was very exciting & quite a challenge. I took it on with the best of my ability though & have not heard bad things back so I am assuming all was well with the photos. This boost my confidence a crazy amount & gets me wanting to pick up my camera more & more. I have also been going back & looking over my old stuff to see what I can change about which photos to build some new portfolios. It's exilerating. Here are some examples.
These are just the one's I've really touched so far.I do hope you enjoy them. Man has my vision changed since I last did all this stuff. In a good way though. I understand alot of the things I didn't before after the long break.
On top of all that the Bride that I had mentioned from the wedding above as came to me after we talked one night & told me that I helped her find a path after a while of shearing. This. Was. An. Amazing. Feeling. Last year sometime I had decided that this was the type of person I would become. The helper, the light, the thing people could look for to get them to their next step in this arms race.
I am succeeding in this, & I can not express to you how happy this makes me.
I have wanted to be that for so long & I could never figure out why it never happened but it is now. I'm excited, I'm enthralled, I can't wait to help the next person. I'm finally living up to my own expectations for the first time &...just...yeah. It's.... riveting is the best word I could find for it.
On top of that I have also finished the first row out of three in my Runes study, which is great & I'm really starting to get the hang of it all. The only part that I'm having a hard time with is connecting them all together once they are pulled & in front of me. Girlfriend is better at that so we are going to sit down one day (soon I hope) to help each other out. I will be teaching her the Rune's & then she will be teaching me how to work the puzzle of them. Good bonding time for us too.
Last but not least Charming of the Plow was this past Sunday & I can see us as a group advancing which is something else that excites me to no end. We are a family unit & you can really see it all happening. We are all growing together & even though we get mad at one another from time to time, over all you can see the love.
I can not express how great it is to finally have a family in my life. I stable one that WON'T turn it's back on me in times of anything. Even if I am being the stupidest person alive. The have helped me more then they probably know, don't want them getting a bit head after all haha, & I'm not sure where I would be right now without their help.
Man am I happy right now. Lots of stuff to be happy about too. Lots & lots & lots.
So the last thing on my list is saying that I have no free weekends this month. Between new job trainings, dates, & my 21 BIRTHDAY PARTY. YEAH! Then there is moving. But it's all good positive things to be doing on my weekends.
I can't wait to see what the future holds. For the first time in a very long time I'm not scared of tomorrow.
I am liberated after 21 years.
~Cyran J. Harrington~
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