To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974
This is the first time I have as a Valentine on Valentine's day & I don't think I can tell if it feels good or not yet. It's nice to know I'm not alone while everyone else it together, but it doesn't feel that different from any other day other then we get gifts from each other specializing in "love" & "how we feel" towards one another. Girlfriend & I do this everyday though. I know the importance of telling someone how you feel about them everyday. That you love them anyways, because you never know what is going to happen to them in a moments notice.
For example my Cap'in got into a really bad car wreck one night when she was supposed to meet up with me. She could of died. Thankfully there is no long lasting damage.
It's things like that that make you really think. Really understand the word Love & how much effect it has on just about anything.
Three years ago I got hurt pretty bad by two people. I felt betrayed, hurt, sad, lost, confused...a variety of things that is hard to explain to someone on a good day. The result of this happening to me though was that I swore off love & anything like it. I stopped trusting people, I became angrier then I already was, etc.
I'm not sure how many people I hurt in this time period but I know I did the best I could with what I knew/had. The love I had for people still showed through just in not so positive ways, because my love was so guarded, in this time though I still got hurt because I cared. It's all a bit complicated....
Three years later though one of the people who hurt me so much came back into my life. We had our 8th month anaversary on the 3rd of February & I don't think I've ever loved quite this much in my life. It's still a bit jaded, but no where near what it was before. I'm happier because of it too. I think everyone can tell as well.
Honestly, I don't think I will ever feel love as purely as I did in 2008, but I don't think it would be the same if I did. My love wouldn't be as strong as it is right now if it was the pure. It would have never changed to what it is now. I would never have become the person I am now. That is something to show love to in it's self.
I still don't know where my love stands with Girlfriend because I have such a hard time accepting it when it comes to romantic situations. But there are moments. There are pure moments when something happens or I look at her & I can feel her patiently chipping away that coat of ice around my heart. It makes me nervous, but it also makes me happy. Nervous because I never want to be hurt like that again, happy because I know I'm worth more now then I ever way before because of it all.
I still get dazed by the fact that she's with me again, that she came back, that she is so patiently working her way back in to the standing she was before. I just hate to keep a lady waiting.
~Cyran J. Harrington~
Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They're never total fits or misfits.
Diane Ackerman, One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, A Marriage, and the Language of Healing, 2011
Not only is this a holiday of love but my birthday. I expect all of the cupcakes today, haha.
My love story? It's a rather dull thing due to all the reason I have put into it. All the words that I know to translate it from my head, to the world around me.
It's hard to say weather I have been truly hurt or not I have been so guarded all my life because of how my father raised me, after all you can't have emotion to run a kingdom. That's treatery. I did feel though, because of Raven I felt more then the God's ever believed I could.
Then my father found out & destroyed that as he did anything else that he disapproved of. I looked for her for centuries & when I found her she had found someone else. Someone that I knew as well & I let her go. I did love her, still do to some extent, but when I let her go I realized she was no longer the Raven I had feel in love with as a young man, & I was no longer the man she needed to keep up with her next steps. As far as I know though we are still friends & hold each other in high standing, weather that is because of personal relations or because we are both political leaders of a country is questionable.
One of the main reasons she let me go & vise verse was because of her son. In Egypt...we had started something. Something dangerous but something none the less. This one is the most complected top for me honestly because I'm not sure what all happened. I'm not sure if the blame was on me or him. Or perhaps a combinations of both? After all, it takes two to tango. He was just a boy though, so perhaps it should fall on my manipulative shoulders. Everything I did for him though was true to my heart. It was never to get back at his mother or his father, it was never in spit of anything. That would go against my rules of being honest in a general sense. It would be just plan wrong to him in my opinion. Never-the-less we fell apart.
In the middle of her son there was Alistar which was an even bigger conundrum. He loved me, & I loved him very much in a strange way. He was my bestfriend & we would have been good together if there had been the chance, but I choice her son over him. I still have no reason for this, & I know it hurt him. It wasn't because I didn't care about him, or that Zane was a better option. It was just how it happened. The closest thing that I can come to for a good reason why I did this was so that I didn't hurt him more then I already was going to. I think there are fundamental parts of him & I that wouldn't work out but they are very hard to pin point. I don't think what I did to him was wrong, but it wasn't right either. When it came down to chose I chose Zane.
Then they were both gone from my life because of two foolish, childish girls that didn't know how to respect others along with keeping their drama to their selves. In a flash I was alone with just my daughter & sister by my side. I left Cyran's life for a while so that we could both reconstruct ourselves.
When I came back there he was. Isa, the second person I have been engaged to in all of my lives. The one who waited for me to catch up with him. The one who puts up with me & my whims along with me babbling. The one that never complains & has more then the respect of my country, part of it's heart. He is also a most fabulous cook.
He is my Valentine now, & until he says otherwise.
~Kradaonous Ravonos Codwell~
Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.
Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991
I've only loved three people in all of my lives. (Or at least from what I can remember from them.)
The first one was when I was a small boy, the person who took care of me after I had been beaten, raped & who knows what else. (I go out of my way not to remember if I don't have to. ) He died though before I could grow up & tell him how I felt or even get better to talk more then a head nod here & a head shake there. I wasn't okay back then.
The next one was the women who was nice to me when no one else would be. When no one else tried to understand the way I was she heard me crying &, even though it was against ever rule of the temple, she walked about to me holding my hand as I got through my nightmares. I left the temple so I never had a chance to tell her, but she was too in love with someone else at the time anyways.
Then I met her by happens chance at one of my friends shows. She looked so out of place but like she was doing her damnest to fit in. She must have been dragged for sure. I watched her some then walked right up to her & offered a hand.
She took it.
I lead her just out side of the club so she could get a breather from all the smoke & the sweat from the pit. I just quietly watched as she regained herself.
"Thank you so much...um..." She looked a bit dazed. God was she cute when she did that.
"Krade." I replied with an out stretched hand which she took yet again for a shake.
"Well that's a nice name & it starts with the same letter mine does!" She perkily siad. 'Katie. I'm Katie Dalton."
I asked her out on a series of dates after that & we got married then she died I got revenge, then we ended up here.
She made me so happy I don't know how to explain in words. There just aren't the right ones made yet. I can tell you, I no longer feel that way.
She divorced me & hurt are two kids pretty badly & many other things happened. I found the temple girl again (Shanti) & that is my wife now. Then my Knight & Shining armor came back to me & is now my boyfriend (Justice.) I'm happy, I couldn't ask for anymore. My kids are great, I have two of the best lovers in the world.
But I will always be jaded from before. I will never feel quite as purely as I did back then.
~Krade Degrick Cullen~
Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.
Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999)
I fell in love, got hurt. He's still in the mental institution because of it then met my Jared, have 4 kids with another on the way & I am happily engaged.
I don't have time for these stupid sap stories. I've fixed my problems & that's what counts.
~Emma Rose Cullen~
They wouldn't call it falling in love if you didn't get hurt somemetimes, but you just pick yourself up and move on.
Gregory Thomas Garcia, Elijah Aron, Jordan Young, Raising Hope, Cheaters, April 2011
My life is complected when it comes to love. It's had it's ups & downs along with so much else. But all of that would take to long to write up & I have said everything I have wanted to the people that matter.
Who is my Valentine's this year? My children.
Through all of my lives I have always wanted to be a mother & i have been a mother in each of them in one sense or another. So my love on this day goes out to my kids. All of the, because even in my death I never stopped loving you. I never stopped being there for you & I am still here for you now. If you need me all you have to do is call/message/text/come over. Which ever is easiest for you. You have all grown in such a wonderful way & I am more the proud of each of you.
I love you all even if you no longer love me.
~Carolina Marie Sterling Ashmore~
There is always some madness inlove. But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), "On Reading and Writing"
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