Love Stories

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974

This is the first time I have as a Valentine on Valentine's day & I don't think I can tell if it feels good or not yet. It's nice to know I'm not alone while everyone else it together, but it doesn't feel that different from any other day other then we get gifts from each other specializing in "love" & "how we feel" towards one another. Girlfriend & I do this everyday though. I know the importance of telling someone how you feel about them everyday. That you love them anyways, because you never know what is going to happen to them in a moments notice. 

For example my Cap'in got into a really bad car wreck one night when she was supposed to meet up with me. She could of died. Thankfully there is no long lasting damage.

It's things like that that make you really think. Really understand the word Love & how much effect it has on just about anything.

Three years ago I got hurt pretty bad by two people. I felt betrayed, hurt, sad, lost, confused...a variety of things that is hard to explain to someone on a good day. The result of this happening to me though was that I swore off love & anything like it. I stopped trusting people, I became angrier then I already was, etc. 

I'm not sure how many people I hurt in this time period but I know I did the best I could with what I knew/had. The love I had for people still showed through just in not so positive ways, because my love was so guarded, in this time though I still got hurt because I cared. It's all a bit complicated....

Three years later though one of the people who hurt me so much came back into my life. We had our 8th month anaversary on the 3rd of February & I don't think I've ever loved quite this much in my life. It's still a bit jaded, but no where near what it was before. I'm happier because of it too. I think everyone can tell as well.

Honestly, I don't think I will ever feel love as purely as I did in 2008, but I don't think it would be the same if I did. My love wouldn't be as strong as it is right now if it was the pure. It would have never changed to what it is now. I would never have become the person I am now. That is something to show love to in it's self. 

I still don't know where my love stands with Girlfriend because I have such a hard time accepting it when it comes to romantic situations. But there are moments. There are pure moments when something happens or I look at her & I can feel her patiently chipping away that coat of ice around my heart. It makes me nervous, but it also makes me happy. Nervous because I never want to be hurt like that again, happy because I know I'm worth more now then I ever way before because of it all. 

I still get dazed by the fact that she's with me again, that she came back, that she is so patiently working her way back in to the standing she was before. I just hate to keep a lady waiting. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~

Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang together by touching in just enough points. They're never total fits or misfits.

Diane Ackerman, One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, A Marriage, and the Language of Healing, 2011

Not only is this a holiday of love but my birthday. I expect all  of the cupcakes today, haha. 

My love story? It's a rather dull thing due to all the reason I have put into it. All the words that I know to translate it from my head, to the world around me. 

It's hard to say weather I have been truly hurt or not I have been so guarded all my life because of how my father raised me, after all you can't have emotion to run a kingdom. That's treatery. I did feel though, because of Raven I felt more then the God's ever believed I could.

Then my father found out & destroyed that as he did anything else that he disapproved of. I looked for her for centuries & when I found her she had found someone else. Someone that I knew as well & I let her go. I did love her, still do to some extent, but when I let her go I realized she was no longer the Raven I had feel in love with as a young man, & I was no longer the man she needed to keep up with her next steps. As far as I know though we are still friends & hold each other in high standing, weather that is because of personal relations or because we are both political leaders of a country is questionable.

One of the main reasons she let me go & vise verse was because of her son. In Egypt...we had started something. Something dangerous but something none the less. This one is the most complected top for me honestly because I'm not sure what all happened. I'm not sure if the blame was on me or him. Or perhaps a combinations of both? After all, it takes two to tango. He was just a boy though, so perhaps it should fall on my manipulative shoulders. Everything I did for him though was true to my heart. It was never to get back at his mother or his father, it was never in spit of anything. That would go against my rules of being honest in a general sense. It would be just plan wrong to him in my opinion. Never-the-less we fell apart. 

In the middle of her son there was Alistar which was an even  bigger conundrum. He loved me, & I loved him very much in a strange way. He was my bestfriend & we would have been good together if there had been the chance, but I choice her son over him. I still have no reason for this, & I know it hurt him. It wasn't because I didn't care about him, or that Zane was a better option. It was just how it happened. The closest thing that I can come to for a good reason why I did this was so that I didn't hurt him more then I already was going to. I think there are fundamental parts of him & I that wouldn't work out but they are very hard to pin point. I don't think what I did to him was wrong, but it wasn't right either. When it came down to chose I chose Zane. 

Then they were both gone from my life because of two foolish, childish girls that didn't know how to respect others along with keeping their drama to their selves. In a flash I was alone with just my daughter & sister by my side. I left Cyran's life for a while so that we could both reconstruct ourselves.

When I came back there he was. Isa, the second person I have been engaged to in all of my lives. The one who waited for me to catch up with him. The one who puts up with me & my whims along with me babbling. The one that never complains & has more then the respect of my country, part of it's heart. He is also a most fabulous cook. 

He is my Valentine now, & until he says otherwise.

~Kradaonous Ravonos Codwell~

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.

Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991

I've only loved three people in all of my lives. (Or at least from what I can remember from them.)

The first one was when I was a small boy, the person who took care of me after I had been beaten, raped & who knows what else. (I go out of my way not to remember if I don't have to. ) He died though before I could grow up & tell him how I felt or even get better to talk more then a head nod here & a head shake there. I wasn't okay back then.

The next one was the women who was nice to me when no one else would be. When no one else tried to understand the way I was she heard me crying &, even though it was against ever rule of the temple, she walked about to me holding my hand as I got through my nightmares. I left the temple so I never had a chance to tell her, but she was too in love with someone else at the time anyways.

Then I met her by happens chance at one of my friends shows. She looked so out of place but like she was doing her damnest to fit in. She must have been dragged for sure. I watched her some then walked right up to her & offered a hand. 

She took it.

I lead her just out side of the club so she could get a breather from all the smoke & the sweat from the pit. I just quietly watched as she regained herself. 

"Thank you so much...um..." She looked a bit dazed. God was she cute when she did that. 

"Krade." I replied with an out stretched hand which she took yet again for a shake. 

"Well that's a nice name & it starts with the same letter mine does!" She perkily siad. 'Katie. I'm Katie Dalton."

I asked her out on a series of dates after that & we got married then she died I got revenge, then we ended up here. 

She made me so happy I don't know how to explain in words. There just aren't the right ones made yet. I can tell you, I no longer feel that way. 

She divorced me & hurt are two kids pretty badly & many other things happened. I found the temple girl again (Shanti) & that is my wife now. Then my Knight & Shining armor came back to me & is now my boyfriend (Justice.) I'm happy, I couldn't ask for anymore. My kids are great, I have two of the best lovers in the world. 

But I will always be jaded from before. I will never feel quite as purely as I did back then.

~Krade Degrick Cullen~

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.

Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999)

I fell in love, got hurt. He's still in the mental institution because of it then met my Jared, have 4 kids with another on the way & I am happily engaged. 

I don't have time for these stupid sap stories. I've fixed my problems & that's what counts.

~Emma Rose Cullen~

They wouldn't call it falling in love if you didn't get hurt somemetimes, but you just pick yourself up and move on.

Gregory Thomas Garcia, Elijah Aron, Jordan Young, Raising Hope, Cheaters, April 2011

My life is complected when it comes to love. It's had it's ups & downs along with so much else. But all of that would take to long to write up & I have said everything I have wanted to the people that matter. 

Who is my Valentine's this year? My children. 

Through all of my lives I have always wanted to be a mother & i have been a mother in each of them in one sense or another. So my love on this day goes out to my kids. All of the, because even in my death I never stopped loving you. I never stopped being there for you & I am still here for you now. If you need me all you have to do is call/message/text/come over. Which ever is easiest for you. You have all grown in such a wonderful way & I am more the proud of each of you. 

I love you all even if you no longer love me.

~Carolina Marie Sterling Ashmore~

There is always some madness inlove. But there is also always some reason in madness.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), "On Reading and Writing"

~Thomas Dalton~

Confessions in Mass Numbers

Cyran's Confessions

1) People who whine a lot to get there way pisses me off more then most things in the world.

2) It's not that I do not care to fight with you about idiotic things, but that I do not find you worth wasting that much energy only to come to the conclusion that we have opposite views on the situation that neither are willing to change minds on.

3) Going into any of the armed forces is a very last resort & I'm sick of people talking to me about how it's the "best option" when it's really just the easy way out in my opinion.

4) I act like I know what people are talking about more then I actually KNOW what people are talking about because I hate being laughed at by my peers, or asking them questions in case they look down on me. I look it up later online.

5) I have a dream of fighting a war with gummy bears...& WINNING.

6) I can't wait to stop smoking & start working out again. I feel like this will improve my quality of life somehow.

7) I would like there to be an ocean in my living room.

8) I would rather live in a world full of zombies then living people any day, cause with the zombies I at least know 

where I stand as I blow their brains out.

Yuki's Confessions

1) This whole hermit thing is actually pretty cool. A lot less drama involved in it really.

2) I don't actually think I'm going to get to where I want to be but I will never know if I don't try.

3) Love is a somewhat silly emotion that leave room for too much weakness but seem an necessary emotion to show for the least amount of grief about it.

4) I really do miss cosplaying but really don't have the money for it & would perfre to cosplay people from real shows then Anime.

5) The voices don't like you. :)

6) I live for the experiences & the good times.

7) I don't believe in happy endings.

8) I'm more scared of losing her, again, then death.

9) I have a tendency to try & break through the road blocks then go around them.

10) The only emotions that comes out of me without too much effort is meanness, & being sexual. 

11) I didn't give up photography as a carrier because I wanted to, but because I was looking to see what I wanted in life. It will not make me enough money in enough amount of time to get what I want from it until much later. 

12) If you ask me a question I may give you the correct answer for it. But I will always give you an amswer. 

13) Honestly, if you don't like something about me that's great & all...but I most likely won't try to change it unless I find it something dire to my life. Hell, I may do it more just to troll your ass. :)

14) You will learn more about my emotional state of mind from the music I am playing then from listening to me talk.

15) I made the blog/journal thing because so many people shut be down when I try to have an emotional talk with them to get out what I need. This way I still get out what I need & people can read it if they want to but I no longer have to deal with people rejecting my emotions so they don't stay bottled up.

~Cyran J. Harrington~

The Ever So Clever..."Intro"

Well hello there my ever so wondrous followers, I hope your life is going well for all of you who are reading this.

It's been quite sometime since I've had one of these that was just for me & not a business of some sort, it alsp came to my attention that when I write in a journal no one gets to read it but me & that does me no good cause I write in it so that people will eventually read it. It's not to get things sorted out for myself but to keep a record of me for when I am gone...but I never actually finish an written entry in my journals, but I always finish them online. 

This seemed like a perfect idea to let my friends keep up with my mind set, get my emotions to the world, help me keep my sanity (or what little is left of it), get back into the grove of writing, & whatever else I need it to do for me. It could even be my scapegoat of some sort. Who knows what all it will do, my life is interesting enough though.

I will also tell you now that I will be color coding the post in order for everyone to keep track of who is who. My muses have things to say after all & I believe it is only fair for me to let them get out what they need to here also. I made it for me & others after all, hence the name. They will announce them self as they come & the colors of the post will be consistent to them & only them.

For now though...

My name is Cyran Jade Harrington, a lot of my friends call me Cy. It's a pleasure to meet you. I am 20 years old, transgender (Female to Male), pagan, photographer. Though those are just some of what people label me with, I tend to think labes are for soup cans though but it makes it easier for the world to see where I fit & why. So I don't mind so much, after all the only people's opinions that matter are the people that are close to me or the people who take the time to care enough to ask & get to know me. The rest are bloody wankers that can shove it for all I care. :) 

I love to laugh & have a good time. I live each day to the best of my ability rolling with what life throws at me then best I can. I even get to throw stuff back occasionally, which is ever so wonderful if I do say so myself. I have the best support system that I have had in ages (if ever) & a family of chose I don't know where I would be without. It's an amazing feeling to know I am not alone, the best on I have felt of all so far.

To know that when I step int he world that no matter what happens there are people there to catch me when I fall.

Could you really ask for more? 

I have nothing to hide & nothing to fear for that matter. If something does scare me then I do my best to over come it the best way I can & the fastest way I can. It's great to know I can win when others tell me different. (Take that! Haha!)

Right now I am living life as much as I can. Getting stories for the future. Gathering together odd little skills I would like to make up of me. Right now I am working on becoming a ASL (American Sign Language) interpreter. I would like to eventually be fluent in French, get a large prize for my photography, get a six pack started, read more, learn to read runes, become a sort of high priest, learn to love again, learn to feel without letting my feeling control, gaining everything I want while keeping what I have, making a difference somewhere, learning more about my religious path, & so many other things. :) By the end of it all I will be a collections of so much more then I am right now & there is nothing you can do to stop me.

:) 

It's wonderful to meet you all, I hope you enjoy me. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~