The Captain Is In

I have been thinking on this for a while now & it's come to my attention that blogging about it might clear some thing up for you & me.

People that are close to me know that I'm not a fan of my own country because of the way we come off to the rest of the world. It bothers me at a deeper personal level to know that there are COUNTRIES out there that hate me (or extremely dislike me) just because I am from (or am) America. So when the people that were close to me found out that I love Captain America, & plan on dressing up as him as a cosplay, were quite confused. 

The comment "I don't understand why you love Captain America so much when you complain about America so much." 

I would usually just respond with, "Because I love him & Stark together." with a laugh, but always knew there was something more to it. I did LOVE the character it self apart from my sick, wild fangirl dreams. 

I have figured it out. 

I love Captain America because he stands for everything that America was supposed to stand for. He helps the people in need, & even the bigger man if they become the little man because he knows what it's like to be the little man. He was chosen to be a "super solider" because he was compassionate. Which is something I don't see a lot of Americans be now-a-days. 

When I was younger I was taught basic manors. Say please & thank you, be polite, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all, look people in the eyes when they talk to you, respond to people that are talking to you, hold the door open for people coming in after you, don't be a soar loser, be nice/kind to others, don't take more then you need, chew with your mouth closed, elbows off the table, & no slurping. These are all BASIC things that everyone should have been taught when young, in my opinion, but in todays world they are lost in the selfishness of out society. It's rather sicking to be honest. 

It's like pulling teeth to get a please & thank you out of a kid where I work because their parents are too busy working to actually raise their children or too busy letting them play video games out of their age range or surfing the internet freely. Parents are also too busy making their child their friend then being a parent. Parents are also too busy asking their child "what do you want?" then saying "No you don't need that." 

I understand that in the American world today that it is becoming harder & harder to maintain a satisfying life style for your child & you because of economic reasons & so on, but that is the challenges of today. Just because you have to work more though doesn't mean you can get lazy raising you children. It isn't the consolers in your after school programs job to teach your kid manors, nor is it their teachers, friends, nanny T.V., computer, culture, etc. It is yours. Take responsibility for it.

I think another reason I love Captain America is because he's not some rich man who can put together a fancy outfit & save people. He has nothing to do with money. He is genuinely looking to get somewhere by his own accord & happen stance takes him to play the role he had always wanted to. Yet another thing America is about it opportunities. His story is more real & down to my level then most super hero stories. His story could have been in my own home, there is still the chance. I may not become a super soldier but if I am in the right place at the right time I may run into someone like he did who can get me somewhere with my photography, that I want to be. To be in the right place at the with much hard work & dedication that is. No dreams comes without those things. 

All in all, the Captain, to my knowledge, isn't meant to be a ego-boost for American's heads to get bigger on, but something for the Americans to look at & remember the origins that this country is biased off of. Just like boys & girls like to have role models, so do a country of lost people. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~

Reality TV Can Come From Your Head Too.

1. Welcome to the House! Introduce the OC's and what their luxury item would be.

[1] Krade Derick Cullen, acoustic guitar        [2] Carolina Marie Sterling Ashmore, crossbow

[3] Isaiah Codwell, props for pranks       [4] Liberty Walgrave, Mombo - her snake

[5] Alexander Dalton, first aid kit & cooking stuff       [6] Eleanor Rucket, acting gear.

2. There are 3 bedrooms, 1 with 2 double beds, 1 with 2 single beds and 1 with only 2 matresses on the floor. Who pairs up with whom, is there an argument over who should get the better room, and how is this resolved?

Krade & Zander have some class so they allow the ladies to chose first oppose to Isaiah who immediately runs to the bedroom with the double beds hopping on the one closets to the door. (It makes sneaking people in & out easier if they have a shorter walk to the door.)

Eleanor would be too distracted by everything to go right to a room so Cali would happily take the second double bed while laying down the law to the young prince that hopefully would learn some manners while they lived together. Eleanor would happily take the single bed as she doesn't need much room. Liberty takes a bed on the floor far away from any doors or windows, she's the parinod type after all.

Zander has been taught to respect his elders, so Krade happily saunters into the open mattered on the floor making Liberty a bit less up tight about the whole thing leaving Zander with a ADHA actor in a single bed.

3. Now they've decided where they're sleeping, they make their way to the living room but find that it is empty expect for a few large and heavy boxes which hold the furniture which [1] and [4] have been told to put together within a time limit, how well do they do?

Krade moved stuff for a living for years & Liberty would most likely just try to make weapons or shelter out of everything so Krade is stuck doing everything besides asking Liberty to bring him this or that. The whole time he is doing it though he is most likely making inappropriate jokes every time he gets the chance making him not stay within the time limit but at least it looks livable. 

4. The furniture's together, now for dinner and a rest! [2] and [5] are designated for cooking first. What do they cook? Do they work well together? Does their cooking go down well?

Cali has had too many children to count anymore & was a mother to her sisters when she was younger so cooking is something she has learned how to do over the years. Zander has been rasied with a house mom & cooking was how they would spend time together most of the time so he has been taught by more then a master. 

Everyone loves the meal but maybe Liberty but for a barbarian that is to be expected. 

5. A few days pass and a relationship is growing between [3] and [6], is it a good one or is it a bad one? What measures are made to make their relationship blossom, or stop them from attacking each other on sight?

El is more of a monogamous type of person & tends not to pick up on clues, or hints, when people drop them so Isaiah's attempts at sleeping with her fail with no consequence until Cali lets her in on what was going on which makes that light bulb go off in her head. She shrugs if off though & continues to entertain everyone with her antics. 

6. A week has passed and it's time for an eviction! Someone hasn't put in their penny's worth and needs to be gotten rid of. Choose one OC, and have them say their weepy, or exuberant, goodbyes.

Cali's the mom who can be a scary bitch so no one would want to get rid of her, Krade is the clown & everyone likes to laugh, Isaiah is the slut causing all the drama, Zander is the peacekeeping-momma's boy, & El is just to darn entertaining. Though liberty is unique in her own way (hunting her own food in the yard & scaring the neighbors, she must go.

Liberty would just grab Mombo & leave to go back to her forest without saying a word. Krade would most likely be more upset not to be shearing a room anymore.

7. There's a siren in the middle of the night! [1] has tried to escape with [3] as accomplice, however they are both caught, who blames whom, and what is their punishment? Do the other house-mates suffer for it?

Krade would say that it was Isaiah idea because he had some condoms & noticed the nice looking fella's next door that had some nice looking drinks too. Isaiah would be flabergaster int he most dramatic why a Codwell could be & tell everyone why it was Krade's fault in an extravagant way. NO body knows who's fault it truly is so Cali would put them on chore duty for at least a week in which they both mumble & complain until she gives them "they look."  

8. The next task appointed for them arrives in the form of a letter and a pack of bendy wires. They pick up the letter and read that housemates [2] and [4] must make a cube using the fewest number of wires possible within 30 minutes of time. Do they manage it?

Liberty was effect for not being entertainer enough so Carolina goes to work rather quickly getting it all done in a nice timely manor using 4-6 wires. 

9. That evening, they find alcohol in the refridgerator and a karaoke machine in the living room. However, it is incredibly hard to set up and it's instructions are in Japanese. [5] and [6] are bullied into geting it sorted. How do they get on?

Zander pulls out everything laying it down nice & neat while looking over the pictures to try to figure out how it goes. El, being the fangirl that she is, has picked up enough Japaneses to get it all working in just enough time for everyone to have a good time while drinking & watching El dance about & sing in a drunkin state. Kadre would get up & dance to male people laugh as well as sing badly into the mic. Cali would stand back & watch the fun then would be on clean up duty afterwards.

10. Eviction time! Eviction this time is based upon house-mates behaviour and performance in the last week, and sadly, [1] and [3]'s escape attempt has not impressed the higher hand.

[1] or [3] must go, choose, and have them say goodbye.

Krade would begin complaining about how he didn't understand how it was such a bad thing to go mingle with other people then the house mates & Isaiah would begin to ramble on about how if there was more attractive people in the house he might now have been swayed to go so easily. Eventually they play rock, paper scissors by the Queen Bee's command where Isaiah cheats sending Krade packing.

Krade: Even though he cheated, I will be the adult & walk away from the situation so that no one else will get punished & then thank me later. However, I will say I am happy to be free from this place so that I can do what I want again. Later suckers!

11. Confessions Time! Having been together for two weeks, how do the house-mates feel about the others? How do they feel about the evictions? Let's listen to them now.

Cali doesn't mind this at all, it's actually not much different then home besides not having her lover there. Zander shrugs about it all, he tends to keep to himself & doesn't really have much of an opinion about the rest. El REALLY likes Cali as a role model because she's never really had a real mom like that before, & Isaiah finds all of this rather dumb & hates that he is in a room with the "mom" of the house but Zander is looking pretty good. 

12. [1] and [4] have become very close, and [6] is jealous and decides to confront [4] about it, what happens?

Krade & Liberty have both been evicted so El really doesn't have a reason to be jealous. 

13. Their next task is to simply tidy the house, however, they have to do it blindfold, [5] cheats and [2] does nothing, such disobedience so late in the game earns them a time-out and their luxury item is taken away, how do they cope?

Cali wasn't about to hurt herself cleaning blindfolded but her Crossbow wasn't all that useful anyways. Zander didn't even realize he was cheating by being able to see through the blindfold so he apologizes & starts to look through the kitchen to see what he can still cook without his supplies.

14. Due to the cheating in the previous task, the electricity in the building is cut, and the living room is locked off from them. [4] suggests a game of hide-and-seek, does anyone get injured in the dark? Does anyone take this moment to be naughty with another housemate?

Liberty has been evicted but El LOVES games in the dark & begins to count. Isaiah takes the opportunity to convince Zander to go to his room with him & Cali indulges El as a mother would.

15. The living room is open to them again and inside is a television, an XBOX and four Guitar Hero guitars, a not stuck on the television let's them know that it is a play-off between [3] and [6]. Who wins, and did they realise the loser would be evicted?!

El is a nerd so of course she won in which she does her happy dance around Isaiah to taunt him which just makes him raise his eye brow & begin to pack his things after wards. He got want he wanted out of one of his house mates, now to move on to the next good looking person he feels like perusing. 

16. With only three house-mates left, tension starts to rise, [1] becomes super-competitive and starts taking over any tasks given to them. [1] accepts a task before even hearing it, and it's challenging them to sit in a bath of maggots for half an hour. How does [1] react and  do they complete the task?

Krade has been evicted to & even if her was there he is terrified of bugs & would run away screaming like a little girl.

17. Another Confession. Poor [2] is starting to suffer from cabin fever and is sure the others are out to get them. Let's listen to their ranting.

Cali: I'm not sure exactly why Zander spends so much time in the kitchen looking at the food over & over again as if the options are going to change but it does worry me that he is actually trying to think of a way to get rid of me & El quicker for the game to be over. He does seem like he is getting bored after all. El on the other hand seems to be getting bored after having to much energy early on in the game which makes me wonder what she is up to...

18. The house-mates realise they are quite quickly running out of food, and find three unlabelled tins in a cupboard, with blindfolds next to them and a letter explaining that two tins are sliced peaches, one is dog-food, they must each choose a tin with their blindfolds on. Who gets the dog-food, and evicted?

Zander would hesitate before grabbing one of the cans. Cali would wait for the young ones to go first & get whatever was left. El though would grab any of them not realizing that it was a challenge before Zander could tell her & in her hast would grab the dog food. Mooping the whole time she would pack her things & leave.

19. The final task denotes the winner of the entire game, the final two house-mates are given an envelope, inside is the instrutions of their last task, they simply are.

"Choose."

Does this shock them? Do they choose themselves as the winner or the other? Do they give their own victory up, or are they selfish?

Carolina would look at Zander with a smile giving him a kiss on the forehead before congratulating him & bowing out. Zander though would try his hardest to give the winning title to her until she gave him this "look" which he knew so well from his own mother that he would take the title as winner.

20. Now it's (quite abruptly) over, tag someone!

THE END

~Cyran J. Harrington~

Them & Them Again

1A: Hi! What's your real name and nickname?

1) Alexander Dalton, most call me Xander though.

2) Savannah

3) Sable Cullen Walgrave

4) Eleanor, my boyfriend calls me El. 

5) Chloe Cullen

6) Keth. It's pronounced Keith for you information.

1B: What's your gender?

Alexander: Male.

Savannah: I have boobs.

Sable: I have a penis is that is what you mean.

Eleanor: Oh this question, by the name I am a female, I the play I am whatever I need to be & by convention I do what the hell I want. 

Chloe: I is a female.

Keth: It really depends on what form I am in at that very moment. I'm mostly a guy though.

2. Interesting... what's your current age?

Alexander: 20

Savannah: Old enough to know better, but still too young to care. 

Sable: I would have to agree with the the women above. In fact I think she stole that from me. 

Eleanor: 22 going on 50 I swear. 

Chloe: Age doesn't matter. It's what's inside that counts. That's what Dad always says, the optimist.

Keth: Though could take a while to calculate, & I'm bad at math. 

3. Uh huh. What's your favorite food?

Alexander: I think I like my Mom's cooking the most. Dad's not bad on a grill though, but Mom is so much better in the kitchen. 

Savannah: The kind that you eat & doesn't give you problems later.

Sable: Oh...this is quite the hard one as I have tried many a flavors...I suppose if I just HAD to chose one it would be...Indian or Italian. I can't stay away from spicy & Italian food just has so much flavor.

Eleanor: I really haven't gotten to try much in my life. I like food though. It's an important part of your diet.

Chloe: Whatever grosses people out the most when I eat it. NOMNOMNOM

Keth: Food is my favorite food. I like wild game alot though.

4. And your favorite drink?

Alexander: My dad owns a bar & I help up keep it once in a while but I still like water the most. I'm kind of a health freak.

Savannah: Something that keeps me hydrated.

Sable: White wines are rather nice, so is a good bottle of scotch. I am a bit of a pansy, as my lady likes to call me, when it comes to these things & would prefer bitch drinks if I could. 

Eleanor: Water & orange juice. I have to set a good example for my little brother & sister.

Chloe: I like coffee a bit more then I should, Mom says I get that from Grandpa. 

Keth: Anything I'm not allergic to. 

5. Confession time! Who's your crush/lover?

Alexander: My boyfriend Jeremy.

Savannah: I have sex, & you are lucky if I keep coming back to you. 

Sable: The one & only Lilly Dalton, though she is a hard headed women of sorts I love her, & I'm still alive. Haha.

Eleanor: My Corbin. <3 He's great compared to the other dickbags I have been with. 

Chloe: Tori tor tor. :)

Keth: It's complected. 

6. Aww! Have you two kissed yet?

Alexander: Kissing is the least of our worries at this point.

Savannah: Are we still in grade school? 

Sable: If we were not past kissing in the first week (maybe couple of days) I wonder if she would be with me now. Good thing I can keep up, haha. 

Eleanor: Yes, oh yes we have.

Chloe: I still remember the first one. Who know lips could be so soft.

Keth: I've kissed alot of people. You don't live this long without that at least.

7. Classic question! What's your favorite color?

Alexander: Umm... burgundy or a deep moron. 

Savannah: My county's colors.

Sable: I could always go with the classic, redmommygay. Haha, oh the stories of memories. 

Eleanor: I actually rather like different shades of blue. It goes well with my skin color. 

Chloe: Purple of pink.

Keth: Color are just pretty things to look at. 

8. Who's your favorite author?

Alexander: Jeremy. 

Savannah: I don't read for fun very often. Most of the time it's books that I have to read for my country. Quite annoying really.

Sable: Oh dear...this is an even harder question then the food one...I like anything hysterical really. I am a historian in training of sorts. 

Eleanor: I really like anyone who rights a good fiction book, reality is for squares after all. 

Chloe: I don't read that often. When I do it's about learning how to pull a good prank on someone. 

Keth: I don't read. It's just not healthy for your eyes. 

9. Now what's your biggest fear?

Alexander: I don't really feel like that's a good thing for me to be publicly talking about.

Savannah: Fear is only a thing to be used against someone, so why the hell would I tell strangers about mine if I had any?

Sable: Probably not having any history left to study or being unable to assist my loved one's in some way.

Eleanor: Feeling like a the dirt under peoples shoes because I have freckles, or because I'm not as "pretty" ad the other actresses. 

Chloe: Huuummm if I HAVE to have one, it would be losing my Mom & Dad even though I give them hell alot they know I love them. But that will never happen because Mom's a BAMF.

Keth: I wouldn't call it this the BIGGEST fear but being in a fight it defiantly up there.

10A: Have an embarrassing experience in your past?

Alexander: Oh man, I'm not sure where to begin there. I tend to be rather clumsy at times. It makes for a few good laughs later though.

Savannah: Probably the time I bit the person I was sleeping with that night...in my & their sleep. Needless to say I haven't heard much since they said it scared. 

Sable: I laugh in the face of embarrassment as I do not get embarrassed by much. My mother says I get that from my father. 

Eleanor: I think it was the first time I ever really got on stage after a friend of my convinced me to do it, I stuttered so much & kept forgetting lines to the monolog I was doing. I eventually just ended it for my own sake. I can't remember if anyone clapped or not.

Chloe: Probably the time I didn't knock before going into my twin's room. Lets just say he was very lonely back then. 

Keth: Anytime I have to ask for permission because of an asshole. What can you do huh?

10B: Any Siblings?

Alexander: Yes, there is one I have never met (& most likely won't), Issac, Lilly (my twin), & the Zane is a half one. Though he doesn't really hang around much. 

Savannah: Just one. Aries. 

Sable: Oh dear lord do NOT get me started. Let me count...Emma, Aidan, Shade, Jace, Xavier, Carolina, Aknta, half Siblings from my father's side. From my mothers I believer I have 10+ half & one sister that is fully related to me. She is the youngest & the cutest darn thing.

Eleanor: I have a younger brother, & a little sister. 

Chloe: Here we go, Arron, Kathleen, Zac (my twin), & then our youngest Audrey. 

Keth: Nope. Just me. I'm a rare bread. 

11. Almost, it's only twenty questions. Who's your hero?

Alexander: Hero huh? As lame as this is I would have to say my mom. She's gone through alot it seems & is on top.

Savannah: I make myself into what I want to be everyday, I don't need someone to look up to if I want to be me. 

Sable: Huuummm, anyone who has made a major change in history. 

Eleanor: Wonder women, Catgirl, Poision Ivy, pardon me is my nerd showing again?

Chloe: I really like Robbin William's!

Keth: Don't have one. Hero's don't last I have learned. 

12. Okay, who is your worst enemy?

Alexander: Anyone who tries to hurt my family. 

Savannah: Darth, it's more of a family thing then a personal thing.

Sable: I don't have one thankfully. Lilly's mother might consider me an enemy if she ever knew a...few things when it come's to our relationship, but I am fairly good at keeping peace with people.

Eleanor: Anyone who tries to hurt my little bro & sis, or are just plan jerks for no reason.

Chloe: The video surveillance at school.

Keth: Time corp.

13. What would you do if your hero and your worst enemy got together?

Alexander: Why would anyone in my family get together with someone trying to hurt them? That is rather silly.

Savannah: Darth & I? I would rather kill myself.

Sable: A zombie & thin air? That is a sound thing to think about would you not say so my good person there? -Eye roll-

Eleanor: They would just try to beat each other up. I have the pop corn.

Chloe: That's a pretty funny image actually. Thanks!

Keth: Oo

14. Interesting... what would you do if you met your creator?

Alexander: Mom & Dad? Love them. God? Ask him a serious of questions that I have written in my bible. 

Savannah: My mother & father? Love them to the fullest & praise them for making such a good looking lady for the world to have.

Sable: I do not have time for religious dealings.

Eleanor: I don't really deal with religion, it's better for my health along with the people around me. If you mean my mom/dad...that's even more complected.

Chloe: I have! He's funny looking. 

Keth: Doesn't matter if you can't die. 

15.Now, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Alexander: I am actually starting medical school this next term.

Savannah: I am grown up & I am hair to the Nauqty thrown.

Sable: A historian. 

Eleanor: The actress that was the ugly duckling. 

Chloe: Maybe a comedian. I like making people laugh. 

Keth: A lazy ass.

16. What's your worst nightmare?

All: See the fear question.

17. What's your lifelong dream?

Alexander: To help people that can't help themselves & make my parents proud of me which I do everyday.

Savannah: I have all my long life to dream, I only have the moment to take do what I want with it.

Sable: To figure out a way to explain this ungodly, never ending cycle in history.

Eleanor: To be remembered for what I can be not as the girl next door.

Chloe: I like to paint...so maybe get paid for painting? I don't really know...?

Keth: It's nothing but a memory now.

18. What would you do if your lifelong dream came true?

Alexander: Be happy.

Savannah: -Chuckles-

Sable: Be proud of myself & rather egotistical about it most likely. With just a side of humble.

Eleanor: Rub it in all those poopheads faces who have told me I was going to go no where.

Chloe: Paint my life away?

Keth: Remember?

19A. Okay, where's your favorite place to relax?

Alexander: In my bed next to Jeremy, or in the club dancing life away to stay in shape.

Savannah: If I told you, you would come there to relax to. Then it would do nothing for me.

Sable: In the library with a map or twenty.

Eleanor: In a bed or a hot bath. There is always a Corbin with nice strong hands to get these knots out of my back. 

Chloe: In my room with music. 

Keth: I'm pretty relaxed anywhere.

19B: Favorite music?

Alexander: Anything I can sing to & that makes me want to move. 

Savannah: My country's music.

Sable: I like a bit of everything. When I am reading I listen to classical.

Eleanor: Music is feelings the soul creates, so all of it. Besides scremo.

Chloe: Crappy hip hop. Haha.

Keth: N'sync.

19C: Do you have any friends?

Alexander: Tons. I'm pretty good at making them. Sable is mostly likely my closest one.

Savannah: I have plenty of "friends."

Sable: Again, I tend to get along with everyone.

Eleanor: My best friend's are Jace & Sam. I have others though.

Chloe: My best friend is my twin though I have others. Like Tori!

Keth: Elaina is my friend & so are other's here oddly enough. I'm a pretty likable person.

20. Last question! What do you spend most of your time doing?

Alexander: Cooking, dancing, singing, spending time with anyone who would like some of it, & studying for school.

Savannah: Being me. 

Sable: Anything I want to honestly. I tend to keep an even balance of things in my life. 

Eleanor: My job. Ugh. 

Chloe: Playing pranks & bothering the hell out of my brother. 

Keth: Being lazy. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years. 

I Flash People

As i woke up this morning at Grilfriend's parents house I got to watch the most beautiful thing happen...I got to watch the sun rise. All I saw at first was the deep purple's & the light shade's of yellow pushing back the harsh shades of dark that the night was trying to let linger. Breath taking is to common of a thing to say for it but will work none the less.

That is the moment though. The moment I felt it tug at my heart, the sadness that my Nikon was no where near me. That by the time I could get it the sun rise would be over & my efforts wasted. I was...disappointed at me. 

So I started things about WHY I put it down to begin with. Why I decided that I didn't have the passion to do it anymore. To carry it around my shoulder for easy access when ever something occurred...

I told everyone that it was because it's such a flaky thing to depend on becoming. A photographer in the digital age wasn't likely to get very far. Which is very true, but not the reason I stopped seeing the world through the lens. It is very wise to have a back up plan & go with that first, so I will be continuing to study ASL in this next year or school that I attend so I know that I have something to keep me on my feet in the mean time. 

The reason I put down the camera, the reason it is sitting at home right now, the reason I can't remember the last time I actually used it, is because of the people I called my friends telling me repeatedly that they were tired of me living behind the lens. That I wasn't living life. That I should do what they wanted & not what I wanted, & I was weak enough to give in. I didn't want to but as our country is set up this way, majority vote wins. It's how we have been shaped since babies.

I'm done being shaped by someone else though.

When coming to the conclusion I became angry, disappointed, upset, hurt, & over all of that I felt weak. I will change that though this year. More of me is about to change then it did last year & I'm not sure where I will be at the end of it, but it won't be here. 

This next year my camera will be glued to my hand again. To my eye more times then nit & I will watch the world from behind a lens. Capturing moments in time that I will never get back, that I may forgot with old age. But the prof from that device that will be an extension of myself will remind me that it did. Other people write to express themselves where I take a photograph, it's worth a thousand words after all. With all different meanings to different people.

Not only will it be an extension of my body but I have new dreams in mind to get me where I want to be. I will be frequenting craigslist for photography jobs, I will be putting up things on craigslist that offer my services to the LGBT community, I will be starting an Etsy, & I will be entering as many shows as I am allowed along with learning more then I ever thought I could about all the lens I can along with every type of paper there is, & to top that off I want to learn all the ways to print as well. There is lighting to be learned & what not. By the end of the year I will be an expert in the technical aspect of photography, because you will never be an expert of the vision of photography. It will always be changing as your life changes. 

After all the only stable thing in life is change. 

That's just one of the things I will be doing this year. One of the things I will be changing. 

Something else that I feel was taken from me by other's was soccer. It's something I have missed more then anything in the world. It was one thing I was just good at without trying, until the coaches in high school decided that I wasn't good enough for the varsity team because I didn't fit their perfect box. 

I should of kept playing, I should have practiced harder. I should have been on varsity. I was good enough for it. I know I was just like everyone else. But I was bi, a "goth" kid, had piercings, was in a troubling home life, & didn't drink myself stupid each week end. 

So now I am here. I don't believe there are teams for my age now unless you are in school fulltime which I can't do with how much I work but I can start coaching a girl team somewhere. to get a bit back into it. To help someone else achieve there dream like I couldn't achieve mine because of people not liking me. I can be the support for kids that may need someone like me in their life. I figured this is a better place for me anyhow. For their sake.

Those are just two things that I'm bring back into my life that should of never left. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~

The Thoughts Of The Recently Blind

I can remember the last time this happened because of this same reason... I cried in front of my wife while stroking her hair scared out of my mind that I would never get to see her beautiful features again or my children grow up...

I got back my site.

She divorced me.

My children grew.

I remarried.

I had more children.

Now this doesn't scare me nearly as much.

I've seen alot of the world & what it can do. I'm not scared of not seeing it again. It's tragic really, the things that one one sees & remembers through out their life. I'll never forgot the blood stains on the floors of the one's I loved. I will also never forget how gorgeous my current wife is. The way my children have grown & how they look now. Knowing that I can do this without being scared is the biggest thing for me. It means I have grown myself & matured a great deal more. I don't know if people would go as far as call me an adult just yet, haha. But I'm closer then I was before. 

The other part that helps with this is the people that love me. 

The family I have built over time & how much they are willing to support me through it. I can't help but wonder if I took them for grantent before...I know I don't now.

I don't know where I would be without them after all. As much trouble that I get into & how much they always help me out of it there is no way I could not be grateful for them...Now I wonder if they feel the same towards me. Or if I'm still that trouble making idiot they put up with cause they feel they need to.

God I hope not & something tells me they don't.

I have to say the person I most likely owe the most to right now...Is my wife. 

I love her. She'll stand by me no matter what. No matter how angry I make her, she never gets mad. She is the calm in my chaos & the fire in my heart. From the moment I met her she has never left my side even when everyone else did. She has been there through it all. The death, heart ache, the endless nights of my restless dreaming. I'm safe with her, & I know this. She understands me so well...no one could even begin to understand.

There is someone else that does something similar as well. They have been there for me since I was little & even though they leave my side...they have always come back some how. With apologies fresh on the tongue & arms open for the taking. Without thought, I always seem to find myself back in them. Strong. Protective. Calm. It's nice to have a comfort zone that has been with me the whole time to come back to...well...most of the time. 

Anyways, I'm not scared. I have people that love me & a way to get around just as easily with my site, without it. 

~Krade Degrick Cullen~

The Ever So Clever..."Intro"

Well hello there my ever so wondrous followers, I hope your life is going well for all of you who are reading this.

It's been quite sometime since I've had one of these that was just for me & not a business of some sort, it alsp came to my attention that when I write in a journal no one gets to read it but me & that does me no good cause I write in it so that people will eventually read it. It's not to get things sorted out for myself but to keep a record of me for when I am gone...but I never actually finish an written entry in my journals, but I always finish them online. 

This seemed like a perfect idea to let my friends keep up with my mind set, get my emotions to the world, help me keep my sanity (or what little is left of it), get back into the grove of writing, & whatever else I need it to do for me. It could even be my scapegoat of some sort. Who knows what all it will do, my life is interesting enough though.

I will also tell you now that I will be color coding the post in order for everyone to keep track of who is who. My muses have things to say after all & I believe it is only fair for me to let them get out what they need to here also. I made it for me & others after all, hence the name. They will announce them self as they come & the colors of the post will be consistent to them & only them.

For now though...

My name is Cyran Jade Harrington, a lot of my friends call me Cy. It's a pleasure to meet you. I am 20 years old, transgender (Female to Male), pagan, photographer. Though those are just some of what people label me with, I tend to think labes are for soup cans though but it makes it easier for the world to see where I fit & why. So I don't mind so much, after all the only people's opinions that matter are the people that are close to me or the people who take the time to care enough to ask & get to know me. The rest are bloody wankers that can shove it for all I care. :) 

I love to laugh & have a good time. I live each day to the best of my ability rolling with what life throws at me then best I can. I even get to throw stuff back occasionally, which is ever so wonderful if I do say so myself. I have the best support system that I have had in ages (if ever) & a family of chose I don't know where I would be without. It's an amazing feeling to know I am not alone, the best on I have felt of all so far.

To know that when I step int he world that no matter what happens there are people there to catch me when I fall.

Could you really ask for more? 

I have nothing to hide & nothing to fear for that matter. If something does scare me then I do my best to over come it the best way I can & the fastest way I can. It's great to know I can win when others tell me different. (Take that! Haha!)

Right now I am living life as much as I can. Getting stories for the future. Gathering together odd little skills I would like to make up of me. Right now I am working on becoming a ASL (American Sign Language) interpreter. I would like to eventually be fluent in French, get a large prize for my photography, get a six pack started, read more, learn to read runes, become a sort of high priest, learn to love again, learn to feel without letting my feeling control, gaining everything I want while keeping what I have, making a difference somewhere, learning more about my religious path, & so many other things. :) By the end of it all I will be a collections of so much more then I am right now & there is nothing you can do to stop me.

:) 

It's wonderful to meet you all, I hope you enjoy me. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~