The Thoughts Of The Recently Blind

I can remember the last time this happened because of this same reason... I cried in front of my wife while stroking her hair scared out of my mind that I would never get to see her beautiful features again or my children grow up...

I got back my site.

She divorced me.

My children grew.

I remarried.

I had more children.

Now this doesn't scare me nearly as much.

I've seen alot of the world & what it can do. I'm not scared of not seeing it again. It's tragic really, the things that one one sees & remembers through out their life. I'll never forgot the blood stains on the floors of the one's I loved. I will also never forget how gorgeous my current wife is. The way my children have grown & how they look now. Knowing that I can do this without being scared is the biggest thing for me. It means I have grown myself & matured a great deal more. I don't know if people would go as far as call me an adult just yet, haha. But I'm closer then I was before. 

The other part that helps with this is the people that love me. 

The family I have built over time & how much they are willing to support me through it. I can't help but wonder if I took them for grantent before...I know I don't now.

I don't know where I would be without them after all. As much trouble that I get into & how much they always help me out of it there is no way I could not be grateful for them...Now I wonder if they feel the same towards me. Or if I'm still that trouble making idiot they put up with cause they feel they need to.

God I hope not & something tells me they don't.

I have to say the person I most likely owe the most to right now...Is my wife. 

I love her. She'll stand by me no matter what. No matter how angry I make her, she never gets mad. She is the calm in my chaos & the fire in my heart. From the moment I met her she has never left my side even when everyone else did. She has been there through it all. The death, heart ache, the endless nights of my restless dreaming. I'm safe with her, & I know this. She understands me so well...no one could even begin to understand.

There is someone else that does something similar as well. They have been there for me since I was little & even though they leave my side...they have always come back some how. With apologies fresh on the tongue & arms open for the taking. Without thought, I always seem to find myself back in them. Strong. Protective. Calm. It's nice to have a comfort zone that has been with me the whole time to come back to...well...most of the time. 

Anyways, I'm not scared. I have people that love me & a way to get around just as easily with my site, without it. 

~Krade Degrick Cullen~