We always have remembered it a bit differently haven't we dear? Then again we are very different people with different opinions about the world now aren't we? The world would be too dull if we were all the same.
I had forgotten that it was raining that night...or perhaps I had chocked it up to the spray from the wave hitting the rocks below while I sit on the peer. Thinking back now...I know it was too high up for it to have been that. I could barely feel myself at that point though.
I have no idea how long I had been sitting there when you came along. That scene had played over & over in my head of them being dragged away, the yells, the crying, the disappointment. I do not know how long it had been since I had eaten, slept, or drank anything...I remember the night before, or it could have been that morning, throwing up from crying so hard. My cloths were stained, ratted. My body was weak. My life was fading, it all seemed to right when it was happening.
Everything I had lived for was suddenly ripped from me. To be taken to a better place because of my self loathing thinking I wasn't doing them right by keeping them feed in an abandoned warehouse when someone could be properly taking care of them. I still think it was the best choice I could have made for them...even if it did almost kill me to lose the only things I was living for.
I wasn't thinking anything while I stood on the peer looking down at the sharp death that lay below covered by the serenity of water. I had been here many times. It was my place away from the world after all. My father showed me it before he died explaining to me that it was isolated from the world & could be mine if I wanted it. I mainly used to go out there to talk to him. For guidance, or personal time away from what life I didn't actually have.
That night was different though.
That night I didn't know how I had arrived there or why. I felt nothing other then emptiness & heart ache. It honestly didn't feel like me in my own body ironically enough. Then there was suddenly a voice next to me.
"It won't be pleasant drowning once you hit those rocks." It said, male in origin, but kind & thoughtful. Like whoever it belonged to actual cared about this stranger looking longingly at the harsh landing below.
I didn't respond to him. I can't remember if it was by choice because I was hoping he would leave me alone, or just because if I spoke I would cry tears that I had none left of. It was silent for a while, I thought maybe he had left. "My names Dillion." He finally said again that same smile in his voice, "What's yours?"
Again he would be met with silence, but that didn't seem like it was going to stop him.
"There's gotta be something worth living for that you can't see." He informed me. On a normal day I would have smiled & made a smart remark to him while conning him out of what money he had on him. But this time around...I shook my head & shrugged with less then a care in the world.
"You cold?" Came another sympathetic question.
I believe I sighed lightly nodding my head. If I was going to die on my own terms it was obvious it wasn't going to be that night. Not when someone was doing what they could to talk me out of it, or get me to come down. "I've got a a place near by so you can take a shower to warm up & some cloths you can borrow."
He's hand was out stretched to me when I finally turned to look at the person who had been there for who knows how long at this point. I didn't take it as I swung my legs over to get off the rickety wooden peer. He promptly took the lead while I followed not bothering to remove the hair in my face.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Before I knew it I was in the warm shower, raising my body heat. The walk was as empty as the rest of the days had been lately. Wet, tasteless, heartbreaking. When I finally decided I had been in their too long I turned off the water, watching the dirty water run down the drain before stepping completely out.
One of the first things I noticed on the counter was a sweater & sweater laid out for me, long enough to be a dress if worn correctly. I couldn't help to note how odd it was that there was clothing still there for me upon getting out when normal one of my sisters would take them from me in mid shower. The memory almost brought a smile to my face...almost. As quickly as it came though, it was gone...emptiness & stomach pains replacing it.
I put the red sweater on moving at whatever pass my body willed me to, which was not quickly mind you, to where I heard him.
I happened to be the living room.
A blanket & pillow were already out for me. A hot cup of something was on the coffee table, along with some soup. He was back in the kitchen getting something else ready I assumed. Just as I stepped out from the corner he was entering again. "Umm..." He stummbled a moment. "I thought you might be hungry, & there's some tea there for you too."
I nodded lightly watching him as he stuck his hands in his back pockets awkwardly. It was the first time I had gotten a good look at him. I couldn't find anything to complain about at the moment anyhow. I moved slowly over to the couch sitting down gently, in front of the bowl.
"It's rude to turn down someone's hospitality." My fathers voice rang in my head even then, but with the advice I picked up the bowl & started eating. I would never know how hungry I was until I finished the bowl rather quickly, I hadn't even noticed him sitting next to me until I put the bowl back down & realized he had eaten some too.
"Would you like some more?" He asked.
I shook my head no as I picked up the tea sipping it. It didn't take long after that for the exhaustion to set in.
"Tired huh?" He asked softly after a large yawn from me. "If you need me I'll be over there asleep, don't be afraid to get me if you need anything." He informed standing up stretching. "Good night." He smiled at me moving toward him room.
"My name is Carolina." I finally announced getting him to swiftly turn to face me one last time. "Cali for short." I was too tired to take note of the look on his face before situating myself on the couch.
"Cali..." I heard him trail off a bit. "It's a pleasure." If he said anything else though I didn't hear it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I stay with Dillion for about a week before I had decided I had over stayed my welcome. When I started getting comfortable.
He was sweet, too sweet almost.
He would come home & greet me like he had known me for ages. Offer to make dinner though I had already made it. Lent me cloths though between the time I had arrived & the time I had left I had gone to the warehouse to get some of my own. The couch was comfortable enough & he offered his bad on more then one occasion. I said little that wasn't cryptic & not enough for him to figure too much about me out. The less people knew the better, in my opinion.
I didn't mean to be there when he got home that day, but he got off early & didn't call to surprise me I assumed.
"You're leaving?" He asked a sad tone to his voice.
I paused in my packing for a moment without turning around to look at him. "Yes." I answered continuing what I was doing.
"Oh..." It was almost a puppy whine it was so draped in disappointment, it made a part of me sick & the other a bit glad that someone felt something for me. "Without saying good bye?"
"I was going to leave a note." I answered as calmly as I could looking over my shoulder at him while sipping up my duffle. "I'm no good at saying good bye face to face." I offered a bit of comfort, as much as you could all it that.
"I can understand that...." He said back moving about to get stiffly comfortable. "You have somewhere to go, or money?"
"I'll figure it out." I informed him while making last rounds to get things from the odds & ends of places. "Getting work won't be hard for me, never had a problem with it before after all."
"Take this then." He said holding out some money to me. "It should get you by for a bit." He told me a stern look in his eyes.
I was never one to refuse free money. "Very well." I took the money shoving it in my bag before throwing it over my shoulder & heading toward the door.
"Will I see you again?" He asked after me, his voice chasing for any sign that he meant something to me other then a place to get back on my feet for a week.
I stopped before a stepped out the door, thinking. Going over & over weather he honestly would or not. Weather I would let him. "Most likely not. I've always wanted to travel." I answered him over my shoulder while I stepped out the door. "Good bye Dillion." I said with a smile that I hopped at least looked genuine.
I didn't give him time to respond before I was gone.
Who knew that I would long for him so much after that that I would randomly call & hang up on him when he answered while staying with a man so that when he would call back, they would answer. I could blame it on them being jealous after riffling through my things.
We would talk for a bit before awkwardly saying good bye again.
I always wanted to go back. To say hi to him when I would see him on the street but him not see me. To go back to the peer in case he might be there to say hi & see what happened after that.
But I couldn't bring myself to ever actually do it. You may call me a coward cause I was that...I just didn't know how to receive love from a man that wanted nothing in return.
It scared me.
To I went back to doing what I did best, conning them. Selling my body to them to live. You could have almost called me a love slave if you wished, or a mistress depending on how you look at it....
But I never forgot that ordinary boy that cared about me not for my body...but because he actually cared.
Now it's my turn to do the same.
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