This past Satuerday night I had a wonderful time with a frined going to an artist vending event called "Girls Show." It was the best time I had had in a very long time to be honest & it sparked something in me. Something I had forgotten about so long ago after I started ignoring what I really wanted in life because every time I seemed to get close to what I wanted I got shot down & hurt again so I would just let it go. Which wasn't fair to me at all, nor to the people that would enjoy my work.
I haven't missed Photography so much in a long time. I was itching ot be behind a booth sailing my most prised peices to people who would hang them up to enjoy them as well.
This got me started thinking about why I had givin it up along with many other passions of mine.
I gave up photography to just be a hobby instead of a carrier choice because of how expensive it is & how much it would not get me somewhere in the time I wanted to be that place. A nice place of my own that I could afford & pay all of my bills. I wasn't going to be able to get on the cover of National Geographic by the time I was 25 cause of how many other things I had on my plate & so I just stopped. Once again money was the biggest issue in my world so I put down something I loved & had such a passion for because of that green shit. Because only people with money get places.
There is one other passion of mine that I gave up so easily & I will never forget how bad I felt for it. How I long to have it back in my life but just haven't figuered out how yet...NOt at this age anyways. It's soccer. I can not convay to anyone how much ithurt to give that one thing up at 17 because of the people at my school causing me so much self-esteim problems from it. People who I had been better then for YEARS playing the game were on varisty when I was stuck on JV & looked down on constently because I didn't fit their perfect little fucking image. Because I questioned them instead of following their little rules like the solider I was supposed to be at that age. God forbid I have a mind of my own. God forbid I don't fit in a box.
Sad to say my self-esteim dropped to amazingly low levels as I was degrated by year after year & I finally got a job. So I chose between the two...I chose the money. Because that seemed more important at the time & safe for my broken self. So I gave up something that I had been doing for the majority of my like (8 years) because I just couldn't do it anymore.
Even at 20 I miss it so much that it brings me to tears & I want desparetly it back into my life but at my age there is not alot of places to play.
But photography is something I can take care of now & with this break comeing from school for me I think it is a perfect time to set my life up for it again. I believe I have the right support group for it too this time instead of people telling me not to live my life through a camera. I am also stronger then I was before to tell them to shove it & that they don't understand.
If you want to get any where in photography you literally see everything through it no matter what. You are constaently clicking away having to remember to stop & breath while every once in a while in anticapation for when you get home to look them over. It's something that is consently on your mind. If you don't understand that then I don't need you in my life.
Anything that is worth it isn't easy after all.
It's about time I start proving that to myself.
It's time I get back into what I love to see where it takes me rather then running away because it might poise a challeng for me.
Now if only I could get that battery charger.
~Cyran J. Harrington~
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