Relating

"I'm a lot better before you really know me." 

This quote goes with the photo above.

If you didn't something I enjoy quite a bit is Postsecret. Postsecret is a place where people can send in their deepest darkest secrets anonymously to one man & get a chance to see them at www.postsecret.com, if you don't see them there then you may see them in a later book that is published. If not, then you at least know your secret has gotten out there to someone with more secrets then you will ever know. 

The young lady in the secret here was in a Postsecret video that they did asking for secrets on Life, Death & God. Her secret is post under the photo. 

Needless to say I would have to say the same thing about myself. Not just because I want to be an emo bucket & steal a bit of attention, because every time someone gets to know me to an extent they seem to leave my side. I used to get a lot of attention because of my looks & my flirtatious personality it seems to have gotten me into a lot of trouble now-a-days. A lot more pain then anything. 

I'm not that smart. I'm average in smartness & it's something I hate admitting a lot of the time but it's something I know that is true about myself. I'm not book smart what so ever. I just don't take in information like most do. I struggled through school because of it. I struggle to this day with it & it kills my self esteem when i do think about it. A little, but still.

If you attack my looks then I am most likely going to shrug you off, but when it comes to my brain...I am liable to throw a punch. It's a sensitive subject to me, something I'm not sure I will ever cope with because it's a big thing that sets me & my friends apart from each other. 

Over all, I feel like it's because of this that people just lose interest in me. Because I'm not all I'm cracked up to be. I can kick a ball really far, make dirty jokes to get you interested, take a wonderful photograph, but that's about it. 

The only smart I am is street smart but a world like we have today that doesn't count for much unless you are on the streets. I'm not really sure how to change this. Books frustrate the hell out of me & I just don't have the time or energy to sit down & read for hours on end like others do which just frustrates me more. Yes, reading takes a lot of energy to me. It's not something that just comes to me like others. It's not something I REALLY enjoy like others. But anymore that's the only way to keep up with others. 

That or T.V. which I hate more then most things in the world. It's a time suck & a soul suck.

Over all I just wanted to rant I think about why I feel this way & share with the world this young lady in hopes that more can relate to her like I have & maybe share their stories to help themselves to get to a better mental place with it. I'm still trying to be more then a surface & I think I am but it seems what I think & what the world think are two different things.  

"Places everyone, this is a test
Throw your stones, do your damage
All the world is a judge
But that doesn't compare
To what I do to myself when you're not there
And if I had a dollar for every time
I repented the sin
And commit the same crime
I'd be sitting on top of the world"

I'm getting into this dip where I really want to post about things that are important to me. Things that I want to truly talk about. Things that matter quite a bit in my life or just to get personal things off my chest not just to talk about all the good things that are coming up in my life because that's not all that life is about & in order for me to change I need to work them out in my head, which is where this blog comes in. 

Expect more of me.

~Cyran J. Harrington~