3 Years Of Unsaid Nothings

I'm not sure what to say anymore to you. 

I used to have a long list of angry things to say that would make you crumble where you stand & give me shut satisfaction with the thought of doing it to, & watching you fall was one of the things I looked forward to most. How I relished in that day to come. 

But that was three years ago. 

Something about you still ticks me off to no point & end but as time goes on wounds heal. What you did to her bothers me more then what you did to me but that's always been the kind of person I have been.  If you hurt me I will blame myself for doing something stupid & rescued into a little ball but hurt my friends & I will make sure you are miserable. Out of respect for her I left you alone. There was no need for me to step in to cause more problems when you were doing a grand job of it yourself. On top of that it wasn't my place, that was her battle to do what she wished with so I stood aside & clinched my teeth the whole time. Trusting, in my heart, that she would do the thing that made it okay for her. She is a big girl after all & can take care of herself...to some extent anyways. Haha. 

Anyhow, that long list. I still have it. It's just not as held close to me anymore. It's not worth it's value as it used to be.

In three years I have changed alot. 

I'm not as angry anymore.

I have gone through the real world & know what is & is not important.

I no longer aspire to be the hero.

I'm not nearly as nice as I used to be.

I fear committed relationships because I never want to feel trapped again.

I don't find that the world is ending with every step I take. 

& I love like I never have before.

But instead of you trying to learn this, or try & find out why she has come back to me you hurt her. You abandon three years of life with her with no grace, may I add. The part I don't understand is why. Why would you hurt someone that badly because they are happy with someone else? Why would you be so upset about their happiness? This does not make sense to me. On top of that I don't understand what I did that was so wrong to you to make you say what you do about me. To make you hurt her.

In the time that her & I were apart I never wished ill will on her, because I loved her. I never wanted her to fail, because I loved her. I literally wished on something for her to be happy, because I loved her.

I just don't understand this thought of revenge for the person you supposedly loved so much. This thought of pain should upset you, not make you feel good. When did two wrongs ever make a right?

That list, I go through it & debate while I write this weather or not to express it here, to leave it to the masses to see & then leave it for the gods/goddess for you to see, but that would make me as low as you & the one thing I promised myself after that day last year is that I would never stoop to my rivals level. 

So I won't.

I have sympathy for your pain & will give you a sorry for that, but I will not forgive you for the past however I will move to the future. You are not worth my time as you have been before, you are not worth my anger, my rage. These simple things are mine, not yours, & I will not give you the pleasure of having them anymore. Life is to little to be troubled by one silly you. There are a million other things to be done that do not involve you. So after this you could consider yourself dead in my life if you want. 

So here it is. A goodbye, something I never had honestly done before because I couldn't see past the muddle that had been created before me. You gave me mine three years ago but my loyalties take a lot longer to break then that, so here I am three year later, finally saying what I should have said so long ago. 

Goodbye to you.

Goodbye to any loyalties I had left to you. (Like that one A-kon you two were fighting & you texted me, though I hated you, I still was willing to help best I could even though it hurt to consider it. I also had someone check on you the next day.)

Goodbye to your any drama you created in my life. (Tag teaming me just the two of you when I was weak & having the last thing I need be the two most important people in my life tell me I was doing everything wrong.)

Goodbye to your inconsideration. (Like how you preach about how people should consider how you feel when you don't do the same, or if you do then you do it anyways because you know it will cause them harm.)

Goodbye to anything else that I have missed, you are no longer welcome here. 

~Cyran J. Harrington~