This is large holiday for me. My favorite one actually. The muggles may know it as Halloween. It has changed alot from what it used to be & it's different every where, all over the world, but I won't get into those nitty gritty details. (Go here if you would like them. Samhain)
I will tell you my plans for it though. I do not normally follow the Celtic year seeing how I am in a kindred, which is Heathen in origin. My personal Deity is Ra the Egyptian God Of the Sun & my personal Goddess is Nut (N-oo-T) Egyptian Goddess of the Sky but for some reason this is one of the Celtic holidays I adore but this one is very special to me.
Last year, the person I was dating & I did an open ritual for people to come see how it went & I believe we did a bang up job. It was the first time I had done a true ritual for my religion to celebrate it with my friends was a grand experience. This year I am taking it to a more personal level.
As most know I am dating someone & we have been at it for 4-5 months now. We are taking another step forward by doing a peraonl ritual for ourselves to tie us a bit closer together. It's no engagement, & most likely no promise of it but it's something for us. It's more for her then it is for me though. She will be taking a huge step forward in her life (at least this is how I feel about) something I wish she would have done a long time ago, but late is better then never.I am very proud of her for this & I will support her in every step of the way while she does it.
There was another big step she took this week, she stood up to her mom for me.
She got her mother to give me a chance & put her foot down. It meant the world to me. Going from being a figment of her mother's imagination to an important person in her life is a wonderful feeling. I can't tell you how many times I have dreamed of this & it's finally coming to life, but that's not the only thing I have dreamed of for us. I used to dream of going to the fair with her. We did that right before the Fair shut down til next year. I've taken her to do cute couple pictures at Super H mart. Shared my fave things with her, worked the Thrillvania with her. It's like we just picked up where we left off. There was some pain, hurt, tension we had to work through but we did. We are a couple so we still fight once in a while just like any couple. Not everything is rainbows & butterflies. I know inside thought, while we are fighting, we are doing out of kindness from our hearts. I can feel the warmth behind it. If that warmth ever goes away I will know we are done, but if it doesn't I won't complain either.
My friends approve of her more now then they did when we first started just because of past reasons but I still don't think they understand why I did it. I don't think anyone could, hell I have trouble understanding it from time to time. But I think I have some good examples.
Have you ever had someone cross your mind & make you smile even when they hurt you so bad you couldn't help but cry after the thought? Have you ever been in a moment that no matter what you look back on it & a spark lights somewhere inside of you that you had no idea was there? Have you ever had someone make you so happy before you cried because you had no other way to express what you were feeling? I can't say all of this is true at the moment, but these were the things I thought of. I don't know what it is about her that keeps a smile in me somewhere even after everything. I should still hate her & call her a lair, cheater, worthless, manipulative, fool...but instead I find her to be wonderful, loving, giving, beautiful, caring, smart & other such things. I'm not going to say it's love (because god knows I don't believe in that) but it all has to count for something right? Maybe a sort of new passion she is showing me I never had in me but for her? What ever it is I can't complain, Ra knows I know it won't last forever & if it does then we are doing something right I suppose.
I do know that for know she makes me happy & that's all I can really ask for, when it is time for us to fall apart we will, but I hope the friendship we have besides the relationship part of it will stay alive. She is my best friend after all. I know I can go & tell her anything & she will give it to me like it is or do whatever it is she feels she needs to do to help, if she can. I can only hope she feels the same for me.
I do not believe in soul mates, nor do I believe in forever...but I believe in her, for the time being.
~Cyran J. Harrington~
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