At Samhain the God of the Sun dies & light begin to becoming longer while to day grow shorter, then at Yule the God is reborn from the Goddess so that we can move from winter to spring to star things over again. It's the never ending cycle of life that is sown in every day living & in many other ways. After all, when the sun goes down it has not failed us yet to come up the next day. (I pray that it continues.)
Essentially the year at Samhain ends which is why we burn things away on that holiday. All the thing we no longer wish to take with us to the new year so then at Yule we can be reborn without them, in which we write down the things we wish to do with our new selves to advance to the next level of life. This is how it comes across to me any how without all the story telling involved.
Since Thanksgiving I have been thinking long & hard about what I wanted to bring into my life at Yule, what new things do i need to do to advance myself to that next level of life. I contemplated writing school in there, but something just feels wrong about that just yet. Then there is my photography, but none of the magic in the world can make me pick up my camera again until i get my confidence back up with it from where I let it fall. I thought about well being, like working out & quitting smoking but, again, I don't feel magic can help me with those things. Those are a bit more personal & not so much something the gods need to help me with but I need to help myself with. The more I kept looking at the obvious the more I was displeased with my thoughts on the matter.
Last year I had so much i wanted to change & the important things that I wrote down that day for this year...have in one way or another come true to an extent. Some to a very good T. I couldn't be more happy about that. I just wanted to live up to what I lived up to last year & if I dug a little deeper I could get to it.
It came to me Wednesday in the early part of the day: Forgiveness.
This is something I have realized that I not only do not know how to do, that I'm not sure I am capable of & there are a few in particulate that it's time to forgive & forget. Mainly two things, because I have accepted them & moved on but I've never truly let them go. This is what is holding me back from alot of things in life. Like living it to the fullest, letting things leave a bitter taste in my mouth isn't something I would want everyday so why am I letting something bitter stay in my mind? It's time for a good washing.
I will say that I am a bit scared of doing this. It's something huge in anybody's life to forgive the people that you don't really feel need forgiving because of how much they have hurt you, but it's one of the best things you can do for yourself. By Ra it's time I do this for me because it's just not worth it anymore. I know through this I will have my family behind me. People that love me, care for me, & want to help me through whatever I am going through. I know there support is always there for me even if I don't ask.
There will be alot of other things I am realizing I want to manifest tin this new next year but that is the big one. So in the near-ish future I may be posting a very blunt forgiveness letter to someone here. They do not have access to this site that I know of, but giving them the chance to see it (however slim it is) makes me feel a bit better. I am ultamitally leaving it to the gods to let this person see it or not.
Over all, I am excited for this month more then ever. I have been working two jobs since just before Thanksgiving. (Hottopic finally called me!) Thanksgiving with Girlfriend's family lovely & I got to finally meet her, almost, 6 month old niece who was cute as could be. I even got invited to spend Christmas with them! I already feel like I'm family there. They were all very sweet to me & made me fee like I fit right in. (Well, as well as anyone looking like me would fit in there. Haha) I've got three different Yule celebrations to go to, Girlfriend's & I's personal thing, Christmas with her family, & then we want to do something kinda big on new years! (I have no idea what that is yet though.) Tomorrow is also our 6 month together this time around. Usually this is the worst month of the year for me but so far things are looking up here this year. I couldn't be happier.
I have figured out living situations for my next apt. I will have two new roommates & moving to a different area, I will also be looking at going to Brookhaven instead of Richland. Once January rolls around & Hottopic keeps me or lets me go I will be looking for another job to replace Taco Delight. In February I will be turning 21 on the 21st (Lucky lucky!), I will also be moving to stay with Girlfriend until June when I get the new Apt with two other roomates. I have three different cosplays to work on for A-kon that are simple & won't break my bank too much. Our room is pretty much settled with 3 other people which will be drama free & good times all around. I still need to work on A-fest. I have set up my personal Rune study starting next week & I should be done by May 7th, 2012. Those are just the things I am looking at to look forward to right now! There are most likely going to be plenty more that just pop right up as I go along with this wonderful, crazy, beautiful life.
I have alot to look forward to & alot to work on which is helping fight my depression back I never knew I could smile so much this time of the year.
~Cyran J. Harrington~
No comments:
Post a Comment